If I had to wake up today and find – there’s only me among the living! Now I am looking for reaction buttons to click what I’d feel.. Panic? Freedom? Boredom??? and the emotions.. tears? laughter? incoherent rant????
Something is missing.. definitely, I have not thought of the feelings of Love or Peace. It is only the externals that I have brooded upon. Now, it’s sinking in.. what? why? how? really? then a shake of the head.
I pity myself but then what can I do? Where is everyone? How and when and what really did conspire to allow this?
I feel happy but it doesn’t last. What do I do now? Where to? Would there be someone out there if I went looking?
I am sad now because there’s fear gnawing my insides. How did this really come to pass? Was I so blind? Did I see this coming?
I try to block my emotions, compose myself, there is something that I can do..I need to.. So I busy myself with the things at hand. I eat, drink, relax, (but my mind is wandering, busy as ever, thinking nineteen to a dozen) I pretend that somebody is around. I talk loud, I read, I write, I speak to God.. Oh yeah! He must be there, listening, looking but no response. I don’t feel any. There’s pandemonium in the pit of my stomach. The day is closing in on me..Oh it’s terrible, awful. I try to sleep, I sit back, I bunch myself up and rock back and forth. Am I sane? Is this a dream?
No! Reality looks at me grimly. Tears course down and flow and flow, then again silence. It’s not ominous but it’s claustrophobic. It suffocates me, pins me down. I wish it would.Then it would be over. No thinking!
Oh unbearable pain…nothing hurts like this, never did, have been through the physical pain the emotional agony. Oh this just doesn’t stop….It’s pain and pain and painful. Oh..
Where is the Companion? The one who will share, at least a little if not all of my pain? Where?..
Lest it come to this – Care for each other. Share with each other. Dwell with each other. I need a companion to live in the land of the living. God Knew! Do you?